I fell in love with Richard Simmons, who passed away this past Saturday at age 76, through the hit podcast “Missing Richard Simmons.” I didn’t grow up exposed to his fabulousness, but the perhaps too-invasive series gave me an incredible look into the man who changed the lives of so many with his big personality and his passion for fitness and weight loss, both of which he felt should be joyous. He felt so different from the Jillian Michaels/”Biggest Loser” world I grew up with — his approach towards the people he helped was kind, compassionate, caring, never mocking and bullying. Just by being himself, he brought us color with his cropped shirts, technicolor wardrobe and ebullient personality, and he showed us that no matter our size or our appearance, we deserve joy.
Richard Simmons’ mother was Jewish, but he didn’t grow up knowing that fact. As he once told Dr. Ruth (who passed away a day before him) on her show, “I am Jewish, but I didn’t find out I was Jewish until I was 19. I was raised Catholic in New Orleans because my mother who was Jewish wanted to go into show business to be a Follies girl and when she left to become a Follies girl they disowned her, and then she kind of pulled back on her religious feelings.” And so Simmons, who was born Milton Teagle Simmons, was raised in a Catholic household and even once considered becoming a priest. Growing up in New Orleans, he was bullied for being fat and different, so perhaps not knowing that he was also Jewish was a gift. He joked with Dr. Ruth that there were “two Jewish people” in the city.
In 2013, a couple of years before he stopped being photographed and making appearances, he posted an adorable photo of himself with a Hanukkah headdress and novelty glasses, donning a sparkly blue top.
“In my last life, I was a potato latke … more sour cream please!” he wrote, because he was truly a magical human being.
People have often compared Simmons’ colorful speeches to his clients to the sermons of televangelists, but he also had a Borscht Belt feel to his delivery, breaking out into songs and jokes often. He also was a huge fan of Jewish icon Barbra Streisand. Back in the 1990s, he got to meet the only person on TV at the time who was as big a fan as him of the diva: the fictional and very Jewish Linda Richman (played by Mike Myers) of the “Coffee Talk” segment on “Saturday Night Live.”
The year was 1994, the guest was actor Jason Patric, the musical guest was Blind Melon, and Linda Richman was kvelling about not only having seen Barbra Streisand live in Las Vegas (“her voice was like buttah”) but of having gone on stage with her. In fact, Richman had to take a moment to herself because she was too “verklempt” to talk about it.
After taking questions from callers about the concert, Linda lamented not getting hit on at the slots, admitting that she’s gained a few pounds. And then, as if by kismet, the bell rings, and it’s Richard Simmons in a sparkly Deal a Meal pink top and too short (or just short enough, depending on your short beliefs) shorts literally bouncing on the stage and onto Linda’s couch, sharing how jealous he was of Linda for getting to be on stage with Babs.
“What was she like?” he asks, to which Richman responds with a series of Yiddish raves, calling her a “pitzele mit a shayne punim,” (a tiny one with a beautiful face), “a heimishe kopf,” (comforting head), saying that “during the whole megillah she does a mitzvah” and calling the experience a “mechaye” (a pleasure). Despite being raised Christian, Simmons seems to get all her Yiddishisms and says that he too is “verklempt,” but that he is also there to help Linda with her extra pounds. Sure, in this year of 2024, approaching anyone without solicitation about their extra weight, fictional or not, is wrong, but this was a different time, and we can forgive Richard for it.
Simmons then offers Richman a new diet plan, a take on his Deal a Meal, his portion control weight loss system, called Deal a Streisand. What ensues is a medley of Barbra Streisand parodies. It’s quite fatphobic, but it’s also quite wonderful (again, this was a different time, and this was Richard Simmons).
He starts with a parody of “Yentl,” singing to Linda “can you hear me?!” and then moves on to a take on “Funny Girl” showstopper “Don’t Rain on My Parade” in which he sings that “eat candy and you’ll become a bowl of butter.” When Linda asks him if she can still indulge in her favorite Italian delicacies, he sings “People” but instead it’s about “people who eat pizza, have the highest cholesterol in the world” (I believe this isn’t factual information so please don’t give up on pizza).
As for her love of desserts, to the tune of Streisand and Neil Diamonds’ “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” Simmons sings “I can’t bring you blitzes anymore.” Though he also doesn’t want her to feel guilty for her sweet tooth, assuaging her with a take on the Streisand song “Guilty.” And then when Linda reminisces of the days she used to be able to eat anything, he sings her a version of “Memories,” crooning “memories / wipe the cream off apple pie / you don’t need those extra calories / kiss the fats goodbye.”
And of course, he finishes with a version of “Happy Days Are Here Again,” in which they sing together of “happy thighs,” “happy tush” and “happy neck.” (Here at Kveller we want you to know that all necks, tushes and thighs should be happy, no matter their size.)
Richman and Simmons then end the skit with an “We love you, Barbra!” as they should.
@thealmanac77 SNL Sketch “Coffee talk with Linda Richman” by Mike Myers and Richard Simmons (1994) #snl #universalplus #universalplusafrica #universalpluslatinoamerica #90s #90skids #snlseason19 #malaysiatiktok #philippinestiktok #tiktokindia #tiktkokphilippines #tiktokaustralia #fyp #fypシ゚viral #tiktokbrasil #thealmanac77 #saturdaynightlive #snlsketch #lindarichman #richardsimmons
This wasn’t the only time on TV when Simmons got to pay tribute to his Goddess, Barbra Streisand. In 1994, he toured Rutherford, New Jersey with David Letterman, in which the late-night talk show host kept mocking Simmons for his outfit (it was a really good red and white one). “David ruined my chances of ever meeting Barbra and I’ve waited for 30 years,” he angrily told Letterman, saying that maybe he keeps mocking his love for the star because “you never really had somebody that you really idolized before. Maybe you’ve never been in love.”
“I’m done talking to you about Barbra Streisand,” Letterman finally says, but then they argue about who brought it up. Letterman then bribes Simmons into wearing Dickies with a promise to get him the new Streisand CD. In his Dickies, he walks into the local music store, where they supply him with the goods, and joined by the musical men of Rutherford, he sings “People.”
This year, Simmons did criticize Streisand when she commented on Melissa McCarthy’s Instagram post with “did you take ozempic.” “What a question,” he wrote, adding that he loves Melissa and apologized to her for having to deal with these remarks.
Yet one of his last posts was still an ode to Babs. On July 13, he shared a beautiful photo of himself with the caption, “Hello gorgeous! Please don’t rain on my parade.” His parade certainly added a lot of gorgeousness to our world. His memory is a colorful, joyful blessing to us all.
