As a rabbi and maker of Matzah Pajamas, I’ve been very entertained by the [unleavened] growth of the market for non-food Passover items. While Target and most big chains haven’t climbed onto the Passover bandwagon (or chariot) yet, there have still been plenty of Passover offerings to enjoy, laugh at and scratch my head over.
So far I’ve been to more than a dozen stores to rate their Passover offerings. Here are the top eight most “plagued” Passover offerings this year.
Passover Hallmark Card
This musical Passover greeting card features adorable dancing versions of items we “can’t touch” on Passover including a hot pretzel, a donut and my favorite weekly go-to: challah!
WHAT WORKS: This card plays “U Can’t Touch This” by MC Hammer every time you open it, and I’ve played it so many times I’m wearing out the battery.
WHAT DOESN’T: The cover of the card features a dancing pepperoni pizza. Last I checked that’s on the “U Can’t Touch This” year-round list for anyone who keeps kosher. Perhaps it’s vegan?
This is the funniest Passover product I’ve seen since my own (shameless plug) Ten Plagues Nail Decals. You can experience the whole greeting card here or at your local CVS.
Passover Wall Hanging
I was surprised to see such a large Passover wall hanging available on Walmart’s website; it literally takes up half of my kitchen.
WHAT WORKS: I appreciate that the makers of this banner did some Passover homework and included traditional holiday candles, a kiddush cup with wine and flowers to represent the spring. They incorporated two items from the seder plate: an egg and a bed of lettuce (romaine lettuce can be used for hazeret to represent bitterness). The banner also includes walnuts, which definitely make an appearance in many a family’s charoset.
The Torah is a nice addition to the wall hanging, since Passover (unlike Hanukkah) is actually mentioned in the Torah.
WHAT DOESN’T: The challah! Challah doesn’t belong on a Passover banner. That’s like the #1 Passover rule! Or as MC Hammer would say: “Can’t Touch This!”
And yes, this is still available at Walmart.com — or in my closet.
Passover Banner
Also a Walmart special, this banner includes the words “Happy Passover” over an image of two hands grasping the bottom of a large candle. There are four doves flying around each candle and olive branches that emerge from each of the hands.
WHAT WORKS: Happy Passover in English is spelled correctly. I could TRY to interpret the four doves as part of the seder theme of four: four questions, four cups, four children… but I won’t. Because we all know that’s not what they were going for.
WHAT DOESN’T: Um… EVERYTHING. Wrong candle, wrong holiday, made even wronger by the fact that the shape of the hands grasping the candle looks phallic. This banner might do better in a mohel’s office than above the seder table!
Passover Love, Peace, Joy Napkins
HomeGoods has really upped their Passover game this season. Some locations I’ve visited have had multiple end-caps of Passover goodies. These Passover napkins were an OK find!
WHAT WORKS: I love the floral details and the modern light blue Jewish star. I could totally see these at my seder table.
WHAT DOESN’T: “Love Peace Joy” isn’t something I would wish anyone on Passover, or Hanukkah for that matter! It’s like a Christmas card decided to become kosher for Passover.
Passover Kiddush Cup
New this season, HomeGoods has expanded offerings of ritual items for the seder table including a few different jars for your “Chrain” (Yiddish for horseradish) along with small jars to hold salt water. Here we have a white ceramic kiddush cup, with gold writing and a navy and gold border encircling the word kiddush.
WHAT WORKS: I love the Hebrew font used for the word kiddush (a mix between calligraphy and handwriting).
WHAT DOESN’T: This cup spells “kiddush” wrong! It has the Hebrew letter “resh” instead of a “vav’ so the actual word reads “Kadresh.” Not as bad as Tuchus but still not correct! Oy vey.
Ten Plagues Masks
These paint-your-own Ten Plagues masks are bound to keep little hands occupied while grownups prepare the home for Passover.
WHAT WORKS: The images for each plague are age-appropriate and cute-ish. Feels a bit morbid to have your kid dress up as a brown-haired “death of the first born” but different strokes for different folks, I guess.
WHAT DOESN’T: The product photo for these masks features a family wearing them while lighting… a hanukkiah, with beautifully plated jelly donuts and gelt nearby. I’ve spotted an afikomen bag in the Target Hanukkah aisle but this photo is next level chutzpah. Kudos to the ecommerce manager who Googled “Jews.”
Brisket Recipe Cutting Board
This past Hanukkah, HomeGoods began carrying cutting boards with holiday recipes on them. The Hanukkah jelly donuts looked burnt but I suppose it was the color scheme.
This Passover, we’ve been introduced to a recipe for toasted coconut macaroons (I’m not a fan of any kind of macaroon, so I’m certainly not making them on my own), matzah ball soup and now, brisket. All other recipes have been titled by the name of the dish, but here we have “Mrs. Cohen’s Brisket.”
WHAT WORKS: Luckily, brisket is supposed to be brown (unlike the matzah ball soup and jelly donuts) so the coloring works. And brisket actually needs to be sliced carefully, so this cutting board could legitimately come in handy.
WHAT DOESN’T: The ingredients are way more complicated than any brisket recipe I’ve ever seen, and good luck finding kosher for Passover chipotle chile in adobo. And Mrs. Cohen? Really? How do you think Mrs. Goldstein feels about this? And what about Mrs. Greenberg? Let’s not even get started with Mrs. Berger. Maybe we can just skip the stereotypes and leave it at: BRISKET. That said, if this actually is Mrs. Cohen’s recipe, she’s livid that everyone has it now. Best to avoid her at next week’s Mah Jongg game.
Wooden Passover Centerpieces
These centerpieces, available on Amazon, come three to-a-pack and each feature a different Passover greeting.
WHAT WORKS: I love the variety of Passover greetings available on these, including “Chag Sameach” (happy holidays) and Happy Passover. One of the signs includes a haggadah with the correct Hebrew on its cover (“Haggadah Shel Pesach” or “A Haggadah for Passover”). The word Pesach is spelled correctly on the seder plate on another centerpiece in the set.
WHAT DOESN’T: Happy Pesach really isn’t a Passover greeting, no matter how hard stores might try. Even HomeGoods had drinking cups which read “Happy Pesach” on them this year. Also, the Hebrew “Pesach Sameach” (Happy Passover) on one of the centerpieces is both upside down and backwards. Wow! Kudos to the product-designer for including an almost-kosher hanukkiah (all nine branches!). Oh, wait… we don’t light a hanukkiah on Passover. Welp, they tried. Wishing you a Passover filled with Peace, Love, Joy, challah and lots of MC Hammer — and maybe none of these items!
