Sarah Silverman is tired of the idea “you can have it all” being perpetuated in the media. Because it’s not really possible, and it’s harmful to women who try to juggle career and motherhood to make it seem easy. While it is possible to have kids and a career, women can’t do that without sacrifice–in some way, something is always going to be missed, whether it’s your kid’s soccer practice or your job’s drink night.
Silverman opened up about why she chose a career over children in a series of tweets this past Monday, explaining how men don’t have to juggle as much as women do:
“As a comic always working & on the road I have had to decide between motherhood & living my fullest life & I chose the latter. Men don’t have to do that. I’d so love to be a fun dad, coming home from the road & being my best fun dad self,” she told her 10.1 million followers. “So this is just a lil f–k all y’all bc u can’t be a woman w/out sacrifice & that’s the fact jack.”
I don’t think any women, moms especially, would disagree with her. Men who are dads often don’t have the same type of social pressure applied to them. They’re allowed to put their career first without being called cold–or a bad parents. Whereas mom don’t have that same luxury. Social expectations dictate that moms are always supposed to be mothers first, or else there’s something “wrong with them.”
As a comic always working & on the road I have had to decide between motherhood & living my fullest life & I chose the latter.
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) February 28, 2017
Silverman, however, wasn’t trying to suggest that male comics aren’t supportive, as she also tweeted that her “comedian brothers” often “acknowledge this truth.” She also went on to say that they’re her “family,” and continued, “& for a lot of us women comic sisters, our only family.” This is important to note, considering women who decide not to have children often find families in other ways–through their close friends and colleagues.
And I ❤️ my comedian brothers that acknowledge this truth. They’re my family & for a lot of us women comic sisters, our only family
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) February 28, 2017
Not wanting kids doesn’t mean Silverman doesn’t love kids and feel nurturing towards them, however–is a huge misconception about women who don’t want to start their own families. This choice could be for any variety of reasons–whether it’s because of financial hardship or an inability to reproduce. In Silverman’s case she noted back in a 2015 E! News interview how much she adores kids.
“You know how some guys have a rubber neck about like hot girls’ butts or whatever? That’s me with babies and toddlers and even like children and young teens. They fortify me. I love them. I just don’t have a life conducive to this. I could be a fun dad. I could do that. I could go on the road and come home and ‘Daddy’s home!’ and give them everything I have and just love them to pieces when I’m home and have a career and a life…I live in a little apartment.
Sometimes I sit and [think], ‘So my guest room would be the baby’s room and then I’d just buy it clothes and food?’ I don’t how people do it. It’s so huge. It’s so much and there’s no going back. It’s a big decision. I don’t know how people make it so cavalierly. They’re human lives you’re responsible for.”
Silverman, now 46, also mentioned how hard this decision has been for her–not having kids wasn’t an easy choice to make, as it’s difficult for many women. When she appeared on Marc Maron’s WTF last year, she said:
“It’s a sadness for me because I love kids. I ache for kids. But I love my life more. You can’t have it all; you really can’t.”
Watch the entire podcast below:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOUnbjlSfYE
