So you’re deciding between one, two, or three little wonders. This is a tough decision, with many variables. Thankfully, you have me to help guide you, using a handy dandy quiz. Answer honestly.
1. Which comment makes you the most irritated?
a. Aw, is she lonely?
b. Having two kids is easy! They entertain each other.
c. Wow! Were they all planned?
2. What is your greatest strength?
a. Playing make believe for three hours in a row.
b. Dividing everything exactly in half.
c. Thriving in chaos.
3. How do you feel about changing diapers?
a. I’d like to do that for as short a period as possible.
b. I prefer it to playing make believe.
c. On the street, I randomly grab babies to change them.
4. How often do you like to have adult conversations?
a. Nightly.
b. A couple of times a week.
c. Mommy said you have to go to sleep now, where is your binky? Night-night doodlebug. Wait, what was the question?
5. How much did you hate being an only child yourself?
a. Not much.
b. A lot.
c. I made a sibling out of craft supplies and cuddled with it like the monkeys in that awful experiment.
6. How much childcare help do you have?
a. Both of our moms can help.
b. There is a 15-year-old I trust for short periods.
c. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
7. How easily do you lose the baby weight?
a. What baby weight?
b. It takes a lot of effort.
c. That wasn’t a nice question. You sound skinny.
8. How much do you like kids?
a. I’m a preschool teacher.
b. They’re cute.
c. As a kid, I pretended I was an adult.
9. How well do you deal with mess?
a. I don’t know; I make sure I am never around any.
b. It’s OK.
c. I am cool with having a stack of mail on my table for three months if and only if someone artistically decorates the top envelope with glitter and stickers.
10. How much do you think you’ll love your kid(s)?
a. A lot.
b. A lot.
c. A lot.
Well, there you have it. I could tell you what the answers mean, but that would be implying they mean something. I felt that three kids was right for me, and I hate mess and love having adult conversations, so either I’m a pretty big idiot or the number of kids you want is not a straightforward decision. I can, however, tell you that if you end up with kids, either just one or many, some of your best-held beliefs about yourself may change, e.g. that you have to sleep, that you have to shower daily, and that your kids shouldn’t crawl into the cabinets at the frozen yogurt place.
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