I appeared on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson last week. Here’s the video. Here’s Top 10 Things You Should Know About My Appearance.
10. I had no idea what Craig would talk to me about. At all. They don’t prep you for his show like they do for other talk shows. It’s sort of like a crazy high pressure cocktail party. And for the record, even mellow non-tape-recorded cocktail parties feel like high-pressure cocktail parties to me because I am socially anxious. So imagine my anxiety for this appearance. Yeah: high.
9. Stylist Ali picked the outfit. I loved the dress but it came sleeveless, which I don’t do. We played with cardigans, jackets, and other such outerwear, but instead I rallied for my beloved black sheer shell and Ali said as long as the sleeves were pushed up just so, exactly the same on each arm, I could do it. (She said no way no how could I wear my giant adult-sized onesie with opaque black sleeves showing.) I was not at all keen on the cream-colored belt or the faux snake skin shoes with the dress, but she told me to trust her. Okay. The earrings I wore were from my appearance on “What Not To Wear.”
8. My hair and make-up lady who normally makes me look all fancy and pretty turned 30 the day I was booked for Ferguson, and she actually was already booked for another client. (As you may recall, leading up to her 30th birthday, she and I raised money to build a well in Haiti with Generosity Water through a Feast of Gratitude I held at my house after my accident. BTW, the well is being built as you read this!) ANYWAY. Since she was booked, a back-up artist was hired and he took much longer than she tends to, but he did a great job, I’m told. I don’t like to look in the mirror much and I thought the hair was a bit too floofy. He also touched my hair a lot more than my regular artist does, and kept futzing with it literally until I walked backstage. Maybe next time, I’ll ask for less touchy touchy if my regular artist is not there, That would be ideal.
7. I had never watched Craig Ferguson except once when my buddy Melissa Rauch from The Big Bang Theory was on. He was very warm and funny and sweet and introduced himself to me before we started filming as I waited backstage. He seemed pleasantly surprised that I was pretty, which was sort of weird and also flattering too I suppose? I think he came and said hi to me backstage so that when I walked onstage for the requisite “hug” which accompanies all talk show appearance walk-ons, it wouldn’t be the first time we had touched or met. Yes, it’s a strange formality of this business, all this hugging, but it’s what it is.
6. I was very nervous. And felt a bit more giggly than I like to be. And my dress covered my knees standing but not sitting so I had to figure that out right then and there. I went for crossed at the ankles, towards the camera to avoid random shots of my outer thigh. Since I don’t go to a tanning salon (most actresses do) and I don’t wear body make-up (ditto), I have to be careful how much flesh is displayed so that no one gets blinded, and not just for modesty reasons. I kept stretching my legs out straight and bringing them back – what was I doing? Sigh. Who knows? I was nervous. Sue me.
5. When Craig brought up my sheer sleeves being sexy, I cringed. In many Modern Orthodox circles, women wear sheer sleeves. And since I’ve stopped reading FaceBook comments about how immodest many Orthodox women find me, I’m going to go ahead and type the following… I felt kind of odd having him mention my sleeves as sexy, because that made it feel overt. And I wasn’t trying to be overt. I was covering them in some way. But I suppose that’s why stringent women don’t consider sheer sleeves modest…I can’t get too hung up on any of the debate. Suffice it to say, I was glad when he moved on from the topic. And I love my sheer sleeves. Even if not everyone does.
4. I liked talking about being vegan in a playful way without feeling attacked. And I didn’t feel I was (too) self-righteous. He made some jokes about vegans being weak and malnourished, but since I call myself the fattest woman in Hollywood and I’m vegan, that can’t be true. Vegans come in many shapes and sizes and body types. And I’m glad I was wearing faux snakeskin shoes and a faux leather dress when I discussed veganism on TV! It was a positive vegan experience, I’d say.
3. It’s important for my managers and agents and publicist to have me on shows like this because they can use it as “proof” to skeptical casting people and producers that I’m light and loose and fun and playful. And yes, a little vavoom too, when it’s called for. I’m told I achieved all of that, so that made it a good business day.
2. This was the first public appearance I made since releasing my divorce statement here on Kveller. I was really nervous he’d say something about my divorce on the air, but he didn’t and for that I have a lot of respect for him. Sure: it wasn’t live and I could have asked them to edit it out, but it was nice to not have to have it come up at all.
1. I survived a stressful new type of Hollywood moment: the late-night sexual innuendo-heavy talk show. In 5″ heels. Cracking a coconut with said heels. Cross that off the list.
Thank you, Craig Ferguson show for a great time. I can’t wait to be a guest again. Next time, I’ll be less nervous. Or maybe I won’t be. Sigh.
For more behind the scenes looks, check out behind the scenes of Amy’s “Oh, it’s a tiara!” moment, behind the scenes of TBBT’s pie eating contest, and behind the scenes of how Mayim’s been hiding her hand cast on air.
