As Mariah Carey would say, “it’s tiiiiime!” for you to vote for the winner of Kveller’s third annual Passover parody contest! Just like last year, the winning lyrics will be turned into an amazing music video by a surprise Jewish music star.
The reimagined Passover lyrics submitted to us this year were absolutely chef’s kiss, and the Kveller team loved throwing an unofficial karaoke party to try and figure out which songs worked the best. We had some magical “Wicked” parodies, “Grateful Dead” tributes, an epic Coldplay Passover retelling and even a badass Alanis Morissette parody (she’s Jewish, after all!).
At the end, we whittled it down to five incredible contenders perfect for our exciting surprise performer. Most of our finalists are recent pop songs: We’ve got not one but two Sabrina Carpenter lyrics, one Chappell Roan and a Jewel and Miley Cyrus throwback that had us all nostalgically belting out. We’ve got Passover story retellings, another ode to matzah brei and even a mournful song about wrecked matzah balls. And as far as lyricists? We have not one but two mother-daughter writing duos as finalists!
Now it’s your time to shine by voting for your favorite entry based on these sample lyrics (we had to leave something as a surprise, so you’ll hear the winning song’s full lyrics when it’s announced).
Kveller readers, the power is in your hands — use it wisely (channel your inner Moses, if you will). Voting closes on Tuesday, April 1 at 10 a.m. ET, so don’t miss out on your chance to make a difference and have your favorite lyrics turned into a super exciting Passover parody video!
Read through the entries below, and then click here to vote for your favorite!
1. “Foolish Plagues” (to the tune of “Foolish Games” by Jewel) by Jonathan Faria
“Well, in case you failed to notice
In case you failed to see
It’s ridiculously dark, the river has turned red
Egypt is down on its knees
[Chorus]
And these foolish plagues are tearing us apart
And Pharaoh’s thoughtless words
are breaking my heart
They’re breaking my heart”
2. “Matzo” (to the tune of “Espresso” by Sabrina Carpenter) by Risa Polansky Shiman
The Seder plate
is on the table
The festive meal
won’t be a bagel
And we got four questions
In our Haggadah
That we ask this way: …ma nishtana?
Too bad one cup won’t do it for ya
That Manischewitz, brewed it for ya
Matzah ball soup, I stewed it for ya
Guess that’s just how we Jew-it for ya
Let’s pray and we’ll Hebrew-it for ya
Now watch us Dayenu-it for ya
3. “Wetter” (to the tune of “Feather” by Sabrina Carpenter) by Emily and Tilly Raij (mother-daughter duo)
Matzah’s so much better
when it’s wetter in a matzah brei (Ah)
Cooked up like an omelette,
now you want it cause it’s not so dry (Ah)
Your taste buds are tricked, you want more of it
You go in for another bite, it’s a hit
Matzah’s so much better
when it’s wetter in a matzah brei
In a matzah brei
4. “GOT TO GO!” (to the tune of “HOT TO GO!” by Chappell Roan) by Allegra and Patricia Levy (mother-daughter duo)
Pharaoh made us slaves, that was our affliction
Moses was a man of strong conviction
God appeared to him through the burning bush-y!
And he said to Moses, “Get off your tushy!”
When we left, we had to flee
Across the parting red Red sea
It’s like a hundred ninety-nine degrees
When you’re lost in the desert! Lost in the desert!
G-O-T T-O G-O!
Had to bake unleavened dough
Dip that parsley nice and slow
Dip it twice in tears that flow
5. “Matzah Balls” (to the tune of “Wrecking Ball” by Miley Cyrus) by Gordon Lustig
I rolled, I boiled, for hours I toiled
To make matzah balls for you
Right size, right weight, not ones you’d hate
But love to sink your teeth into
This new recipe got the best of me
Boy, did I miss the boat
Left out in a lurch, I did a Google search
“How to keep them afloat”
You didn’t like the matzah balls
I made with all my heart and soul
I thought they would be my best of all
All I did again was wreck them
Oy, I, I wrecked them
Vote now for your favorite entry here.
