Mother’s Day can be a wonderful occasion for many people as they celebrate their mothers and are celebrated by their children. But for others, this is a challenging day — a reminder of difficult or non-existent relationships between mothers and children, or a reminder of the loss of a mother.
For others still, the heartache of this day comes from wishing to be a mother, and not being able to become one — at least not yet. As a loving daughter, aunt and wife struggling with infertility, I’m approaching my first Mother’s Day as a wishing-to-be mom with joy for my own mom and sister and my many friends who are parents, and with hurt for my own lack of motherhood that I don’t want to ignore.
I wrote this prayer to hold the fullness of what I imagine my Mother’s Day experience will be this year. I hope that for all of us experiencing infertility, it brings comfort.
A Prayer for Wishing-to-be-Moms for Mother’s Day
Spirit of Creation,
Awaken within me gratitude for all that my body has done to bring me to this moment.
Yes, gratitude
for life
for breath and limb and being
My own, even if not (yet) my child’s
Even if never my child’s.
Awaken joy for other mothers,
Yes, joy
for their families,
for the children they have welcomed in womb or arms
even though it hurts not (yet) to hold my own child
Awaken compassion,
Yes, compassion
for me
for my womb
for my envy born of love
even as my heart (yet) weeps
Awaken hope,
Yes, that pesky hope
for what could be
for a future in which I hold my child
even as hope
is dashed again and again
in the million ways my body manifests
and I don’t know how to hope
and the hope itself hurts.
Spirit of Creation, Create in me yet, even now, hope.
