My husband works for a porn site.
There was some question when he was first considering working there whether it was really a porn site, as it bills itself as “a celebrity nudity site.” If you’ve ever seen the movie “Knocked Up,” Mr. Skin is the real life version of what Seth Rogen’s character had planned. So it’s a little classier than an actual porn site. But the site hosts porn advertisements and no matter how you slice it, the site promotes images of naked women.
And I am completely supportive. When my husband gave notice to his old job, his old co-workers wanted to know why his wife was okay with this. It actually had never occurred to me not to be. I don’t have a moral issue with porn. In many ways I think we are too repressed about bodies. In Europe it is completely acceptable to sunbathe topless. Maybe it’s all these months of breastfeeding, but breasts no longer seem like a big deal to me. I also recognize that life isn’t always easy: people may be lonely, have sexual problems, or some other issue. If images of naked women make them happier, then so be it.
But it’s not only my values that I have to think about anymore. I have a daughter, and what does my husband working at a porn site teach her? Would I want my daughter to appear naked in movies? I’d like to think that if it was part of an acting career I wouldn’t care. The odds of this happening, of course, are slim. What is more important is how do these images make my daughter feel about her body? I believe that it is not nudity itself, but the unrealistic images of beauty we have for women, whether dressed or not, that is often the problem. These images are everywhere and they come particularly from television commercials and magazines selling beauty products, not from nude scenes in movies that most girls are not seeing anyway.
Some may argue that women are exploited in these movies and that focusing on women’s bodies goes against many of the advancements that feminism has gained for us over the last 50 years. I believe that women do have a choice. Actresses such as Mila Kunis and Sarah Jessica Parker (and Kveller writer Mayim Bialik) have never appeared naked and have no problem getting work. And with my conversations with the staff of the site (which does include a surprising number of women) they really respect women for taking their clothes off. There is never a disparaging word about anyone’s body: all nakedness is appreciated.
Mr. Skin himself is a father of three (two daughters, one son). The kids visit the office and the porn goes temporarily off the computer screens. They know that their dad is Mr. Skin, they just don’t quite understand what that means. If my husband is still working there as my daughter grows older, I would be fine with her knowing that he works for a website for adults without a full understanding of it.
I try to live my life with consistent values which is why I’ve always worked in the non-profit and public sectors. And while porn may not be mission driven in the same way, I truly believe it does not make the world worse off. I want my daughter to love and accept her body, which I know personally can be very difficult. If anything, I can thank my husband for working at Mr. Skin for making me more conscious of these issues. But as for the website content itself, I don’t think it’s going to make one bit of difference for my daughter.
