This week, comedian and Jewish mom Iliza Shlesinger had actress Mayim Bialik on the first YouTube episode of her podcast, “Ask Iliza Anything,” and rightfully introduced her as everyone’s “favorite Jewish person” to share a hot take in a segment Shlesinger calls “Fight Me.”
The take was, of course, about bagels. “There are only certain flavors of bagel that should be allowed in the universe,” the “Blossom” and “Big Bang Theory” star and former “Jeopardy!” host argued, meaning that if an ingredient “makes a better something else, it’s not allowed to be a bagel flavor.”
Confused? Bialik, who has a doctorate in neuroscience, after all, went on to expand on her methodology for determining which bagels are unworthy: “Blueberry makes a better muffin, chocolate chip makes a better cookie, cinnamon makes a better cinnamon roll.”
The only bagels the “As They Made Us” director said are allowed to exist are “water bagels,” referring to the term used for bagels boiled in water, because there is no such thing as a plain bagel, she surmised. Along with them, she is OK with “egg, sesame, garlic, salt” and, she hesitated, “maybe poppyseed.” Is that because it makes a better hamantaschen?
An everything bagel? That’s just an anglicized bagel in Bialik’s eyes. Shlesinger responded with an “ouch” on that one. I know a lot of people might take offense at talking down the seasoning which is now perhaps the most iconic of bagel seasonings — so iconic that people whose lives don’t permit them to eat bagels will sprinkle it on other foods to make them feels somewhat bagel-adjacent.
Everything bagel feelings aside, the most important part of her take, Bialik reminded the crowd, is that those other flavors should not exist. “They’re not bagels,” she said. “They shouldn’t be called bagels. I find it offensive, so fight me.”
After the video of Mayim played, Shlesinger joked with her audience: “If people didn’t know she was Jewish before…” Well, they should have known, but they certainly know now. She disagreed about the everything bagel hate: “I feel like everything is everything,” she asserted and the crowd all seemed to agree.
Yet she generally agreed with Bialik. “I think about how offensive it is as a Jew, when people are like, I’ll take a jalapeño cheddar,” she joked. “I’m like, you mean queso?!”
What do you think? Is Mayim right? I personally am a huge cinnamon-raisin bagel fan (I love a good savory and sweet mix, though I do agree they’re ultimately better as a mix in something like a kugel.) I do believe that blueberry bagels are an abomination and was horrified to discover back in 2022 that they’re the most ordered bagels on GrubHub (for shame!!) and refuse to acknowledge the existence of chocolate chip bagels.
Mostly, though, I think all American Jews need to have strong opinions about bagels. Hopefully, we can all agree on that one.
